Banishing Doubt

I'm a "Doubting Thomas" whose name happens to be Deb.  I know that on the one hand, I’m doing the work I'm meant to do.  That I’m living the dream, doing what I’m passionate about, using my skills and talents, on the right path…all that.  Until I get stuck in the brush. 

You know what I mean by stuck in the brush?  It's that feeling that you're not on course anymore, that something very different is going on around here.  Like, how did I end up in this place?  Where am I, and where am I going?  It's like life just threw you a curve ball, and you have to decide, do I step back to avoid being hit in the face, do I shut my eyes and swing with all my might, or with eyes wide open is this that really tough pitch that if I let myself be exquistily aware, slowing everything down, I just might knock it out of the park.

The brush I'm in is related to the state of the economy.  I haven't decided yet exactly how to be with the way it seems to continue to spiral downward.  Like, is there an end in sight?  How long is this thing going to continue?  There's a part of me that wants it to pass quickly, like last week.  And another part of me that knows this is what needs to happen to create a healthy future.  A world where our children can live a good life.  When I take the long view, I believe that housing was inflated, and we must be more careful with how we consume resources, and there are unscrupulous business practices that if we turn a blind eye to, we all pay the price.  We have issues that need to be sorted out.  But in the short run, I'm still out here, waist deep in the brush, wondering, what now?

I'm no different than the multitudes who are cutting expenses and making decisions on what we can do without on the work and home front.  Being frugal.  I find I don't like it much.  Being careful about my spending habits.  Do I have too?  It seems the answer is yes.  It's taking more of my time and energy than it used to in all the key areas: accounting, marketing, sales.  And predicting when business will close, well what used to be a simple process has become complex.  Yet, as we shift around and adjust to what's happening I'm reminded, I can't control what's going on out there, but I can control what's going on in me. 

This isn't personal.  It's not about me.  I'm beginning to see, that the path isn't a place, or a destination and I may not know what the future holds.  Whether I'm in the brush or with both feet firmly on the ground, I must banish all doubt. This is where I belong.

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